Not yet or already parents, the life of a couple is not always a long calm river. So, how to communicate well, to be surprised, to preserve oneself, to desire oneself … in short, to love oneself? Here are 14 tips you may not have thought of!
1. End up at two
As long as the children are small, they mobilize you concretely, physically and psychologically, and this leaves you little time to go out, to save you spaces exclusively for two. Not to mention that it is expensive to take a baby sitter and pay for the restaurant and more … when the grandparents can not take over. It is however essential to find you both. Even a little coffee after dropping your baby at his Asmat and it’s a good day!
2. Inviting yourself at home
Going out at any cost to be alone, this is not necessarily possible. If finances, fatigue or time do not allow, you can invent your “romantic evening” formula … at home. Regularly, organize a neat dinner, cooking, dressing a little. The children will have dined before and there you will be very quiet.
3. Talk about everything
Each one of you is involved in family life and shares with the other what he lives outside, especially at work. Proof that the information flows well at home, but also between the outside and the inside of your nest. This is essential because it allows you to organize well on a daily basis and enrich each other with what everyone lives on his side. Nevertheless, this may not be enough. Do you ever talk about yourself, what you feel, your states of mind, your mutual expectations? Is your relationship still present in your exchanges?
“My darling, please, it would be so good if you did” also “the dishes, laundry, clothes drying, cooking … In France, women assume 80% of these obligations, while they are also 80% to work. Even when they are moms most often. So, what is your man’s position on the subject? Thank him for kindly clarifying his point of view because it is the good health of your couple … Of course, you will use tact and diplomacy.
5. To know how to respect one’s silences
This is not necessarily worrying. This silence can mean “R.A.S.” (nothing to report). The job of your spouse is his space of personal fulfillment and he isolates things well with what is happening at home. It is a sign of independence and if all else is bathed between you, that good mood is at the rendezvous, what more? Obviously, you have to detect the problems before they get bigger. Just make it clear that you are there in case of trouble and that secrecy only worsens the situation. A word to you …
6. Assume the fluctuations of desire
A little trouble to regain your enthusiasm? You may be facing a difficulty in the longevity of your relationship: the more time passes, the less sexually active, all studies show. Desire sometimes dulls a little, a lot … or not at all. After all, it is not inevitable.
Do you sometimes feel that you have to climb the Himalayas when you find your dear and stretch in bed. You worked all day, you took care of the children on your way back … and now you have to melt into the role of the lover. There, you say “sleep”! But especially not every night, even if you’re tired right now. Otherwise, the time may pass without you really finding yourself and the desire will dull more than it should.
Think that making love improves the quality of sleep and allows you to wake up in shape the next day (yes, yes, it’s proven!).
7. Exit why not?
A great party is improvised next door. Do not miss this! Of course, having the children kept would be easier. But sometimes, babysitters desert the neighborhood, grandparents do not respond … Fortunately, friends are cool – they may be parents too! – and you propose to sleep at home?
You hesitate because take them out at night after bathing, in pajamas and bring them back sleepy at no time, it’s a little crazy. Well, just be crazy and think about you too! These are precious moments when you will feel like doing something for yourself … even with the children around.
8. To laugh without children
Clac! The door is closed, the babysitter is already reading a story to the kids and you’re going to your great party. You will dance, you will laugh, you will see many people, good friends and new faces … The world is vast! You see you’re going out again. In addition, you enjoy twice as much because you are not jaded revelers but parents galvanized by the desire to enjoy life. “By the way, who will get up tomorrow morning for the little ones? Do not ask yourself this question too soon.
9. Know how to turn the page
A wrong word, a misstep and that’s the clash. As you have a hard time getting rid of the sponge, the subject often comes back on the carpet, it’s classic. Alas, the problem gets bigger every time you talk about it, proof that it’s hard to forgive yourself.
If you recognize yourself in this case, ask yourself what would help you move on, to close the chapter once and for all. That the other recognizes his wrongs? That he recognizes the harm he has done to you? You would have to express it precisely. Propose to talk about it one last time to go to the end and if you get what you expect, avoid going back to the load too often. It seems that it is very feminine. You find ?
10. Handle the art of compliment
Do you take care to emphasize as much what’s wrong as what’s wrong? Caught in the everyday, with a dose of fatigue on the back, it happens to have easy criticism. Yet nothing is acquired in a couple. You do not owe yourself by contract, but by kindness, attention and respect.
When a gesture is made in this direction, you can say “thank you”, “it’s good”, “it’s nice” … Even for a pasta dish, a laundry extended …? Why not ? Be sure to pay attention to everything you feel positive about your spouse, all the efforts he makes.
Then talk about all these little pleasures. It can only alleviate the atmosphere.
11. Be patient and pedagogical
Take out the laundry from the machine? You would have done it without thinking and your spouse would not even notice it. But now he is making a real effort to avoid this task and stick to it. Okay, so extended with creases everywhere, the laundry will take twice as long to dry, but most importantly, only highlight the positive side of the situation. He needs a good big compliment. Once he gets used to it, show him with a smile that it is possible to do otherwise.
12. Thinking about yourself
“I would like to do this training. But it will be taking … “So what? It will not last. If you usually assume a lot for kids, at home, it may be your turn to go into gear at work. Without guilt, you have the right to think about developing your professional skills.
It remains to organize you both to manage the daily as harmoniously as possible while you are on the bridge. Obviously, it also requires small sacrifices on your part: less personal entertainment for a time, solo outings … Your spouse will also need to blow outside the house during this period.
13. Give yourself little moments of respite
You decided to take a bath and it would be your turn to tell a story to the children? No, you are not an unworthy mother by fleeing from time to time a quarter of an hour reading at bedtime. You also need to decompress and the evening that will follow with your spouse will be better. These little moments of respite gleaned from right to left seem all stupid and in fact, it is they who ensure harmony. So give more money to your well-being.
14. Change your habits
Why not make love in the morning if you are too tired in the evening? Go to bed early and move on to wake up the next day. Okay, on weekdays it’s not easy and on the weekends you sleep until the kids get you out of bed. But then, find another moment. And do not be afraid that a little organization will hurt the spontaneity of desire. Organize dating appointments, it’s rather exhilarating, on the contrary. Strange at first, but very quickly pleasant.